Posted by Steve @ 10:43 am on April 28th 2007

been awhile

My work has been at a critical juncture for the past couple weeks.

I feel like I need to really study SQL Server and VB.NET!!!!

So, I have been.  Like all of my “down time”!

And, I am making progress…especially with SQL.

There are some great resources available for those that want to learn, including Microsoft.

This is going to help me so much!  And best of all, I am really enjoying it.

I never had that much interest in programming and database management before.

But, now, I feel like I have been lit on fire!

They are making it so much easier with .NET.

Still, I have so much to learn!

Posted by Steve @ 12:49 pm on April 6th 2007

wisdom

She smoked like a chimney all of her life.
Now she has emphysema.
So she quit.
Except when she is drinking…
and that is now the only time she ever smokes.

So the meeting got over…
and a group of us went to this corner bar…
to “de-compress” what just happened
in the course of our 4-hour meeting with our new bosses.

Ya see, we were a small, but very profitable business
that just got swallowed up by a company with more capital…
but also less talent, less organization, less efficiency,
and far less care.
And they see us, or I should say, what we were,
as nothing more than a brand to sell.

What we see in ourselves is an engine.
So finely tuned that we hummed.
But now, in some areas,
we are due for another tune up.
And these guys are our new mechanics…
but all they do is talk about blasting off in a spaceship,
without looking inside the engine first,
or, without adding much fuel to the tank.

So, you see…
Four of us are sitting in a booth;
she is sitting directly across from me puffing on a cigarette.
The waitress comes over.
She orders shots for everyone;
I order a pitcher of beer.
And we will get to talking…bitching a little…
and laughing…

The wide screen tv above her head
has the Spartan’s hockey team playing on ESPN2…
the guy next to me and I cheer
whenever our favorite team scores a goal…
after all, we can’t really believe
that they even made it to “the Final Four”!!!!

Then she says to me…
“I have a lot of wisdom…
a lot of wisdom that you don’t have…
you would be good to listen to it some time.”

“Oh’” I say…shaking my head slightly up and down…
“really?”

Time flies…
we drink the one pitcher…
then, another…
then, more shots are ordered…
then, another pitcher.
I finally look at the time.
“Oh, I got to go soon…
we were meeting for dinner…
and, it is about time I left.”

“NO!  Not in your condition…” she says.
“You can’t drive anywhere…
it would be the worse thing for you to do…
the laws are severe now.
Call her, and have her meet you here
and pick you up…or, order food here instead.
I will order another round of shots.”

“ummmm, okay.”

I call…
and she is on her way.

So, I sit back…
I fill my glass with beer…
I never saw the shots come!
At the very least, I didn’t pay any attention.
Then, I see her hand come over to my side of the table.
She picks up a shot and quickly drinks it.

“Oh, was that mine!?” I said.
“I completely didn’t see it right in front of me!”

She said, “I know…
just like you didn’t see that you could had me too.”

Huh?

Was that the kind of wisdom she was talking about???

Something I really missed?

No.  Hell no.

Posted by Steve @ 2:56 am on April 1st 2007

year after year

I might like to revisit the “old” feelings in my old blog
from time to time, but not in order to re-trace its context.
I admire the philosophy, the reasoning I had then, too….
but I also see their shortcomings as well…
I don’t ever want things as they were!

I don’t know if I can really help anyone
understand my needs or my desires that well…
I feel (fear) like my explanations
are only going to be tied into tighter knots
that I will have to struggle harder to untie.

Haven’t you ever read something…
and you read it again,
and it made you think of something else?

Some things made you shake your head…
and others made you feel quite proud of yourself!

A fresh outlook
doesn’t totally erase the past…
that is true…
but it does allow those meanings and feelings
to be re-recorded as something that can be profoundly different.
.
Like rewriting history…
bridging the old with the new…
building new connections…
correcting mis-perceptions…
learning from what is past…
yet, respecting it,
not doing any violence…
but always seeing it from a different height than possible before…
never the same height…
from tangent A instead of tangent B.

The intensity that I feel today…
when I read those words again
matters more to me than why I first wrote them.

It feels like seasons ago when I wrote them…
and, it seems obvious to me, that every new year in the future
will be different to me than the year that I wrote those things…

This year, has (huge smile),
and will be, very different than last year…

But, so will next year…

It will of its own accord…
with its circumstances beyond my control,
and with its own dilemmas and crisis’s
and choices I have yet to make…
as well as its peaceful moments and joys to be shared.

Now, I am not trying to re-live or bring back the past at all…

But, having said that…

Each year still has the same seasons, doesn’t it?
Spring, Summer, Winter, and Fall.

Just because you want to feel the Summer or Winter sometimes,
doesn’t mean that it always feels the same, year after year.